Cycles

Hi.

Well, the lymph node report is in and it looks like of the 9 nodes taken, 2 are malignant. Although it's hard for me to tell from this far away, Mom seems to be handling the news ok. We haven't told our kids yet...we'll do that this weekend. I suppose the next bit of information to glean is a liver scan, which has not yet been scheduled.

Again I feel this weird sense of being in two places. I am so thankful to be home, going on with my family in our normal daily cycle. At the same time I feel drawn to Saskatoon and the happenings in Mom's life. I imagine this is what it will feel like when the kids start leaving the nest: split responsibilities.

From where I sit at my desk, here at home, I can see out the window and look at the sky and the open land southwest of Calgary. The cycle of seasons goes on out there: colours and shades, cool air and change.

In the quiet of this hour I find myself trying to let go of fall and mentally prepare for winter. The garage needs to have the bikes moved out so we can park both cars in there again. The yard needs to be cleaned up for it's winter rest.

What stage of the cycle are we at with Mom? It's nowhere near time to give up and let go, and yet at the same time there are thoughts to be considered. Preparations for more tests. Decisions to be made for chemo, or not for chemo.

Thankfully we know that there is a Master in charge of the seasons. There is a Master in charge of my Mom and her physical, mental and spiritual well being. The same Master that has shown He always brings spring gives us a future and a hope.

Love from
Susan

It's Good to be Home

Hi again.

What a gift it is to be home again, back in the whirl of kids and Steve and dogs and school. Last night as we sat down to supper I looked around the table at my little family and was just happy. I spent a whole week away and missed them all so much.

At the same time, I am longing to be back in Saskatoon with Mom! Aren't humans funny that way? We can experience completely opposite emotions, both at the same time.

Mom continues to do well recovering from the surgery. What a star. She doesn't complain about drains and dressings. She talks about how the incision hurts, but it isn't really "painful." She is so stoic. Lots would spend the recovery trying to make everyone feel sorry for them, but not Mom! I really admire that; hopefully I can remember the lesson!

We find out the lymph node results on Thursday. I guess that's the next hurdle but let's take them only one at a time.

My own family seems to have weathered my absence quite well. The kids are happy, fed and clean. The house looks great. The dogs were ecstatic to see me. My students gave me a thousand hugs at school yesterday. It's good to be home.

Love,
Susan

Over A Hurdle

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for your prayers and kind words yesterday. Mom's surgery was in the afternoon and it seems to have gone quite well. She was awfully unhappy last night with vertigo and nausea but is much better today.

Unfortunately the cancer seems to be the less desirable ductal variety but right now we're just concentrating on getting better from the surgery. Mom's doctor was really encouraging about the expected recovery from this; he said to expect to do well, and to FEEL well in a pretty short period of time.

I know more about breast cancer than I did a month ago, that's for sure. Maybe a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but we learn about the circumstances of life as we proceed through them, don't we? I know I will be really faithful about my mammograms now, for the rest of my life.

I continue to be so burstingly (that's a grade one word!!) proud of my Mom. She is awesome. She is stepping out into the circumstances of her life with prayer, humour, hope and realism.

Love to you all - keep praying,
Susan

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Thanksgiving

After 10 years of celebrating Thanksgiving in November, it still feels odd to dust off our traditions in early October! When we lived in California, Thanksgiving was the beginning of the "holiday season" and we'd usually go get our tree the day after gorging on Turkey and my specialty, Sweet Potatoes With Cream Cheese. Yum.

Arguably our favourite family tradition is our Thanksgiving tablecloth. We began it in 1997. It's just an ordinary cloth, not at all the kind I usually buy. What makes this one special is that every year, everyone gathered around our Thanksgiving table takes a fabric marker and writes about what they're thankful for. These days, as soon as I spread it out on the table, while the turkey is sizzling contentedly in the oven, everyone circles around and starts reading.

In 1997, Benton was thankful for gingerbread boys. Every year, April mentions some pet or other. Kim often mentions her friends. We laugh at who couldn't spell, who wrote numbers backwards (April!) and reminisce about the friends and family that have celebrated with us. Our dear friends the Garcias were often participants in our tablecloth traditions, as were many people who have passed through our lives.

What precious memories. This year, I wrote "I am thankful for God's plan."

I am also thankful for everyone who has sat around this tablecloth over the years. Thankful for the little handprints of children too young to write. Thankful for every misspelled word and funny looking drawing. Thankful for the LOVE.

Good night, everyone. I'm thankful for you, even if you haven't had a chance to write on my tablecloth. Maybe next year?

Love,
Susan