In which we survive last week, and discuss surviving the week to come.

Oh, man.

This past week has been so full.

First off, let me just say that I love my job. I really do look forward to going in to school, spending my day with my munchkins, and coming on home to my little world at home. It's a good life. BUT.... Calgary's normally mild(ish) climate dumped 7 straight days of bitter cold on us, which meant that my kiddos couldn't play outside.

Fun for the first day.

Fun for the second day, until midafternoon when we started to get a little tired of one another.

Bearable for the third day, until midafternoon when apparently the wheels fell off.

Stressful and draining for the fourth day.

A bit hysterical on the fifth day.

Normally I choose not to be a person who waits all week for Friday, and complains about being back to work on Monday, but I've gotta say that Friday afternoon looked really good. Thankfully the forecast looks better this week.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of my last week of work before going on medical leave. So much is yet to do. I want to leave things in excellent shape for my replacement so that the transition is easier on my kiddos. I've been pondering how difficult the whole process will be on them. They'll be fine, but it's not a journey I would choose for them. Or for me, for that matter.

Interviews for my replacement will be on Tuesday, and hopefully the new teacher can spend Thursday and Friday with us.

Lots to do at school, at home, at the gym... yikes. Got to get new crutches, fix my old brace, get a handicapped parking thingy, try to put some casseroles in the freezer...

Reading over this post, I am struck by how calm I sound about the surgery, and about leaving work. In reality, I feel myself catching my breath from time to time, thinking about what lies ahead. The last surgery and rehab were life changing. I'm not really sure I can handle the pain. I really don't look forward to crutches for months again. I dread the thought of slipping on the ice, on wet floors, on uneven ground. Morphine isn't as fun as it sounds. (Though apparently I am a barrel of laughs when I'm on it, just ask my friend Kerry.) I hate it that Steve will have to do everything for me, right down to helping me in and out of the shower and putting my socks on, let alone driving me everywhere and taking charge of the food and the house.

God is sufficient. God is sufficient.

Years ago I heard a speaker teach us that:

1. God Knows.

2. God Cares.

3. God Can.

4. God Will. (Or more likely, He already has.)

God KNOWS the future of my ability/disability. He knows my fearful moments and my concerns. He knows how this is all going to play out. He CARES about my future, and my heart, and my desire to be productive and able-bodied for years to come. God CAN fix it, He can protect me from further damage, from panic, from losing my control to the pain of the surgery and the rehab. God WILL... well, that's the part I don't really know yet.

God Will do what He knows is best. His love for me isn't constrained in any way. If I truly believe that, then how can I believe He will do anything less than the best for me?

I don't know what that looks like yet, but I will.

I have much to be grateful for, and I know I must list them to put my life into perspective:

9. A loving and present faith community.

10. Pedicures.

11. A full paycheque while I'm off. (I'm all about the practical.)

12. 18 good applicants for my principal to choose a replacement from.

13. Melting snow.

14. Yummy italian lunch, paid for by my inlaws.

15. Grilled cheese and tomato soup. Really, what would life be like if nobody had ever discovered that particular combination?

16. Steve. I know, that was kinda #1, too. That's ok.

17. My friend Margie who offered to drive me to physio as often as I need to go, and who even let me know her schedule so I can plan around her.

18. Hugs from Mackenzie.

19. Baby Juliana.

Life is sweet.

Susan

Preparation

Three Years.

This blog has been dormant for three years.

Two Weeks.

In two weeks I have a surgery that may - or may not - ensure I regain full mobility and return to my former "spry" self. I'll be on surgical leave for three months or so. For the past few weeks I've been toying with the idea of journalling while I'm off work. Since writing is always more fun when it's for an audience, I'd rather journal on a blog. And, to be efficient, why begin all over again when I can just dust off the old one?

1000.

Over Christmas, I read the book 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Her challenge: to change my perspective on life by opening my eyes to the gifts poured over me every day. I'd like to piggy back my disability leave onto my efforts to record 1000 gifts over the next while. I guess in my mind, rehabbing from yet another surgery is a good time to look for thankfulness in my life.

So, without further ado:

1. My very.patient.husband!

2. Canadian Health Care. Not perfect, but good.

3. Colleagues who care about me - and my students - and who pick up the slack for me with grace.

4. My students - who will miss me. It's nice to be missed.

5. Our furnace: a reliable source of warmth on a -33C day.

6. Prayer from a wonderful Godly woman at church last Sunday.

7. Book recommendations from friends. (Thank you, Karen.)

8. Soft bed. Clean sheets. Warm blankets. Rest.

Feeling blessed,

Susan

Desert Places

I was just reading over a note from a dear friend that talks about the "desert place" she is in. Funny, I was just thinking about my own desert places yesterday.

I remember learning that my identity is not bound up in what I do: for the Church, for my family, at my job. Rather, my identity is bound with who I am in Christ: his daughter, beloved and sanctified. Not because of who I am, but because of who He is.

I remember learning that Worship is not about me, but rather about Him. Worship looks different than I thought it did. Worship is sometimes about playing one more game of Monopoly instead of having some selfish time. Sometimes worship is about sitting in peace and prayer.

I remember learning that God's plan is good, but not always nice. Kinda like God Himself. "Nice" says everything will be, well, nice! "Good" says everything will be good. In that deep, satisfying way that only good can be.

I think desert times are highly overrated. I do think that sometimes we choose the desert because we are human and weak. But sometimes God leads us into those times and places of being completely spent where we have no choice but to lie down flat and wait.

God bless you all,
Susan

Focussing.

It's been a long time since I've been sick. Let's see, I think last Christmas was the last bug. And I'm not REALLY sick right now... just feeling "punk" as my Dad used to say. I've had a long list of colds ever since school went back in... plugged sinuses (the less we talk about that the better) and now the latest is an ear infection that has me wobbling all over the place, trying to find out where we keep the floor.

I am so tired of losing my focus on what is really important, and focussing instead on my sore nose. My tired, watery eyes. My kleenex bill. The things that are getting left out are my kids. Projects at work. Keeping ahead of the laundry. Spending time with God. (Could God still love me when I'm whining and pitiful?)

It's just tiring. I don't like feeling whiny, since that's really not who I am normally.

OK, enough with the pity party. I'm going to use Dristan tonight, get a good night's sleep, and awaken refreshed and ready for the day, tomorrow.

Did I mention I have a sore ankle too?

Facebook

Hmmm... ok, so I said earlier that once I stopped updating this regularly, it was time to shut it down.

Well.... I certainly haven't updated regularly (unless you count once a year as regular) and yet, I'm not so sure that I won't want this blog again in the future. So, instead of shutting down, I will simply tell you that I am spending most of my online time on Facebook these days. Lots of photos.... a pithy comment about my day... you know.

I do reserve the right to get busy on here again - but I'm not going to lock myself into anything.

ttfn,
Susan

The Cross, the Crown and the Cradle.

Hi,

I know, I know, it's been awhile. When I can't update at all it'll be time to shut this thing down.

Let's see, December. There was the whirl of Christmas concerts, with the added joy of being the music teacher for the grade ones this time. The back of my head is on MANY photographs this year, as most parents took much more time seize the Kodak moment instead of listening to their children sing! I know I did the same thing when it was Benton's turn on stage!

We decorated, shopped, baked, listened to music, and all the things you're supposed to do before Christmas. The last day of school was the 22nd, so there really wasn't much time to get psyched before it was time to jump right in to the festivities. The lovely part of our break was the full week AFTER Christmas to just relax and enjoy each other. Steve even took a couple of days off so we went to movies, played with the kids and even took naps!

More than ever this year I was haunted by the image of the cross and the crown of thorns waiting in the cradle. Knowing that Jesus CHOSE to be born, knowing that He would die in only a few years humbles me every time I think about it. What a powerful choice He made; what a gift He gave.

One of these years I want to make a manger, a cross, and a crown of thorns. Thatwill sit in front of our fireplace instead of the gold balls and pine cones. To me, the magic of Christmas is in the pause; the consideration of my Saviour's choice to lay down His sweet head.

Blessings to all of you.
Susan

November

Hi everyone.

Kim's quest for November has been to write a 50,000 word novel, start to finish, within the month. She's been taking part in NaNoWriMo (www.nanowrimo.org) and did in fact finish the job on November 27. She's exhilarated, exhausted and excited.

My writing quest for November was to do a good job on the report cards that we produce for every student. I have the luxury of sharing a classroom with my teaching partner, Grace. Grace does the major part of the work, but I still had hours of pondering and preparing my part of those report cards for those kidlets and their families. As teachers we do wonder sometimes about how valuable these reports are, and especially WHO those reports are for: student, parent or us as educators? Interesting. Anyway I am finished, and actually just got home from the last of the parent/teacher interviews. It was lovely to meet with the parents of all my students and see a bit of the home side of their lives. I love my class.

Tomorrow I am off to Saskatoon to spend a few days with Mom. Her first oncology appointment is on Monday, so we'll be there to hear what impact the cancer has had on her body, and what the next few months may look like. Steve will fly to Saskatoon just for the appointment, and head home again right after. He'll hopefully be able to translate all the technical information we're given. (Thanks to WestJet for having a seat sale just at the right time for this weekend!)

We're grateful as well to Steve's parents who will be staying with the kids, to my friend Joyce for bringing chili, and to our kids for being so flexible.

Most of all we are grateful to see God working in our lives every day. He is faithful in the small things: writing a novel in a month, plowing through important report cards, providing affordable plane fares. He will be faithful in the big things as well.